For a long time I thought I wanted to be a nun...

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 18:02:38 GMT

Yeah baby, I've been drinking,
And I shouldn't come by I know
But I found myself in trouble darling,
And I had nowhere else to go

Got some whiskey from a bar man,
Got some cocaine from a friend
I just had to keep on moving,
Till I was back in your arms again

Well I'm guilty, yeah I'm guilty,
I'll be guilty for the rest of my life
How come I never do,
What I'm supposed to do
How come nothing that I try to do ever turns out right

Well you know how it is with me baby,
You know I just can't stand myself
It takes a whole lot of medicine,
For me to pretend to be somebody else.

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 19:51:45 GMT

I've had a lot of people tell me they think i've "grown up" a lot recently.

i can explain that one with great ease.

when the mortality of both of parents is made completely evident...it changes a person.

my mother has lung disease. she's still smoking and will soon have lung cancer.

my father has had hepititis c for years, one day very soon it will kill him.

even when you know death is coming, years in advance, it's still hard to force yourself out of denial. however, i have to. if i don't, it will be very very bad.

very few people know the situation with my family, but i'm tired of pretending that i'm okay.

here it is...in black and white. this is probably the first and last entry i'll ever write about my parents, sorry it can't be on a happier note.

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 07:09:29 GMT

Sara Groves is considered a Christian artist and "This Journey Is My Own" would almost definitely be classified as a Christian song; however this song has an amazing message.... I find it very inspiring.

When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone
This journey is my own
Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval
This journey is my own

Why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
What does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

So much of what I do is to make a good impression
This journey is my own
And so much of what I say is to make myself look better
But this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

And I have never felt relief like I feel it right now
This journey is my own
Because trying to please the world, it was breaking me down
It was breaking me down

And now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Because I know this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
And you can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain
I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say, ‘Well done.’

Oh, this journey is my own

*tonight went well...i'm very pleased with myself and a certain other person. slowly but surely the answers to all the tough questions will come to light. patience....*

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 05:15:45 GMT

we just shouldn't talk...at all. apparently everyone has concurred it's better this way....

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 09:46:48 GMT

"I played the fool today
I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
Longing for home again
Home, is a feeling I buried in you"

[melissa etheridge]

Oh no- here comes that sun again.
And (that) means another day without you my friend.
And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself.
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away.

With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door.

We've tried the goodbye so many days.
We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray.
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free,
but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.
They say time will make all this go away,
but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down
And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door.
You just walk away - walk away - walk away.
You just walk away, walk on, turn and head for the door.

[ben harper]

Wed, 31 May 2006 01:02:59 GMT

okay, so i'm going to make my entries private. why? because there are certian people that i just don't want to read it. christian, that doesn't mean you.

First entry...yay!

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 05:36:55 GMT

so this is my first entry. um, so yeah, this is my new livejournal. and i'm doing okay i guess.... now i'm probably going to go to bed, because i work every day of the week! i want a day off!